don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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