Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
