He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
