fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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