oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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