I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
