Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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