we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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