Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
