I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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