Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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