i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
