Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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