I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize