we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
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Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
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Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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