You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
foreskin is a definite game changer
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize