ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
