we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
