why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
