We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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