Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
