I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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