the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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