It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
