i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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