textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
