hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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