I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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