either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
