she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Threesome in a minivan. New low
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
