This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
