dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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