hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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