btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
