Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
