so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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