Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
