Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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