I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
