i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
