We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
