New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
