ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
