i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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