every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
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Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
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When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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