I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
