I just cut my nipple shaving
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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