you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
