Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
