6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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