You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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