we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
