so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
