i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize