What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
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Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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