Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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