i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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