Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I would fuck him just for his dog
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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