she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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