I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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