if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
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Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
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I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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